Lying to Scammers

It happened to us in Samoa, and it's happening to us now. Attempted scams. Except the Thai attempts are much more elegant than the Samoan; they mostly involve very friendly "teachers" or "information center workers" who "have a niece in"/ "are visiting"/ "have worked in" whatever country you're from. Then they converse with you for a while before finally offering to help you flag down a tuk-tuk (strange three wheeled motorbike taxis) or sell you a tour or tell you that the sight you're trying to see is closed. The problem is so rampant that temples have signs telling you to beware of overly friendly strangers, and the royal palace had loudspeakers looping an announcement that the palace does not close until 4pm and the only real entrance is at the front gate.

The attempts are hard to avoid. Opening a map on a street is a surefire way to invite one, but even just sitting on a bench near a temple with obviously not-Thai skin can make you a target. We've tired of listening to the charades, so based on an anecdote in one of our travel books, we have a new method to deal with them.

Lying.

That's right, I'm not ashamed to admit it. I will gladly return the favor to the seemingly friendly man telling me that the shuttle only runs until 10am when he knows full well that isn't true. I will make up answers to his questions as I please, with a grin on my face the whole time. But rest assured, my lies have a purpose. They are designed to lead us down the quickest route that will terminate the conversation without angering either party. It's become somewhat of a game.

So what lies are most effective?

Well, let's start at the beginning of the conversation. They always greet you amiably, then ask where you are from. Just to avoid having to discuss the election at length, we usually say Canada. Then they name one of the few cities they know in Canada (Ottawa, Toronto, or Vancouver) and we tell them no, we're from the east coast.

(Sidenote: we are plotting an even quicker way to end the charade right here, which involves pretending that we speak insufficient English to converse with them. Certain that they will ask us where we are from anyways, we've already decided: Transylvania. I'd love to be able to smile and bare a set of fake vampire teeth with this statement, but my mother considers that inadvisable.)

Anyways, assuming they already know that we do speak English, invariably comes the pivotal question, and the most important answer. "How long have you been in Thailand?". This was the bit from the anecdote in the guide book; when the author (truthfully) answered two years, the scammer left him alone almost immediately. So we've decided that our standard answer to that question is going to be two years.

Although the con artists are now more wary of the scam they are about to try, most will quickly bounce back with another series of questions. "Wow, such a long time! Is it for work? What do you do? Ah, and where do you do that?" But only the answer to that last question is important. We could be teachers, lawyers, or the Queen of Sheba, but should we answer any city other than the one we are currently in, they ask with restored confidence, "Ohhh, but this is your first time to [name of current city]?", thinking they may be able to fool us after all. Here arises the second most important answer: No. (We've been to every city in Thailand at least three or four times.)

Amazingly, it may still continue! Perhaps there is a sight we haven't seen that we are visiting this time, and they can fool us about that. So then they ask: "Wonderful! And what do you plan to do while you're here?". To which the best answer, we have decided, is "Oh, we're just here to relax."

At last foiled, they hopefully give up at this point. Maybe they realize we've been lying through our teeth, maybe they're just angry that there will be no opportunity to deceive us, or maybe they harbor no hard feelings because they know that they would lie to us just as shamelessly as we have to them.

Today, at the gorgeous ruins of the temple we were visiting, the would-be con left us with one last parting shot, maybe as revenge or maybe just determined to get his lie in one way or another. He pointed at the ruins, clearly fenced off, smiled, and said...

"You can climb it."